self control

Dear Self Control,

u've abandoned me for quite a while.. it's time for u to come back and control my brain, especially my heart



Regards,
M

求人不如求己

浪费许多时间
未能达到今天定下的目标
对v真是摇摇头
至于s还是一声谢谢
总之还是pekchek 但至少第一步做到了






p/s：愿一切顺利，快点痊愈

thank you

Followed laoma and copy-pasted the part where jiajia posted about me :) and heheh, im her blog stalker~~
 

"MELISSA，WANYUN，也叫毛毛

2010年2月13，在MANCHESTER，是我第一次见到她。她在隔壁桌，与001的所有JUNIORS一块，享用她们的点心。当时只是描了她一眼。说真的，影像并不深刻。直到14日那晚，就在她们所有JUNIORS离开前几个小时，再次看见她。或许刚睡醒吧！BLUR BLUR的，在她介绍自己完毕不到30秒，我竟然忘了她的大名。第二次，她只是冷冷的说，我们彼此是陌生人。满腔热情就让她一桶冷水直泼。对她影像至此，分开后也没再想起这个人，认定了她又是令一个与我擦肩而过的生命过客。只知道，FB ADD 了她，她COOL COOL 的，是老妈的好朋友，不是我的朋友类型。隔了好久好久，直到老妈从她的SKI TRIP回来，告诉我好多关于旅伴们的故事时，才再次听见关于她的些许故事。直到7月吧！得知会跟她一道旅行时，闪过脑海的第一个念头---会合不来吗？2010年8月20，相隔半年后再次见面，是在西班牙。才见面，就拿了人家的地图扇风(太热了)。得知那是她用那遮着炽热太阳的东东后，还真尴尬。感谢上帝让我有机会再次认识她。她，并不冷漠，热情得很，只是慢热。12天的旅行，让我对她有更深一层的认识。影像最深刻的，是第一晚她就对我的BUI KIA爱不释手。喜欢她的笑声，我听见后总会有着莫名的快乐。再来就是她的细心。她其实很窝心，只是不懂得如何表达。看在眼里，心里除了欣赏，还是欣赏。她常常把我不经意说的话记在心里。就好像，我喜欢什么，不喜欢什么，替我留意COINS。喜欢一早起来有她为我准备的咖啡，喜欢她的嘘寒问暖，至少对我来说是很贴心的。毛毛，一个认真但不失其单存的女生，一个值得我钦佩，疼爱的对象。"

Like the name she's given me - maomao, and like the pic she put up - my fav of our he2 zhao4 cos she looked so peaceful there and i looked like i adore her alot (my meimei said one) xD
I'm not as nice as what she mentioned above, perhaps it's because she managed to bring out the best in me xDD
what can i say to her? 除了爱你还是爱你 <3<3<3

just another reflection during the weekend

- went for a raya gathering by msd this morning as a minister came... good food, yummy, esp the lemang and kuah kacang...listened to his talk about 1 M'... someone asked, if so, why not abolish all the ch' school etc and oni have a keb' school... let me ask u, why dun u abolish the hak keistimewaan me'? then the whole nation will be equal and we don't have to feel scared and try to defend ourselves (sorry not intend to offend anyone but i think as long as we have different status and diff right, it's hard for us to be 100% united)

- met a few other scholars of the same sponsor and also one of the sponsor person in charge there, stil yet to meet the new guy who took over, hmm... somehow brought back the memories of pre-departure, what i expect to be / how i wish my student life can be and the reality now.. time to be more motivated and give my best for the final 2 years...

- met 2 freshers (same country, same course with me)... one jpa and one fama... one of them has parents over, asked alot of questions, well, they are worried, like most parents do... i feel old, they are so young and their life in uni has just started..

- din expect to see her everyday from the beginning, and din expect the impact of poison can be so deep... but guess i become more and more greedy, which is not good, should be grateful and contented, so wil try to be rational while stay poisoned... try to focus while stay poisoned... okeh, this wil be a motivation, to do well in my study.. actually she's not a poison, she is a good thing and a blessing in my life :)

down-ness?

a very hard-to-be-explained concept..

there's nothing wrong with me.. or is there?

certain things never changed..

when can I carry out what I intend to?

when can I stop being shy and say out loud?

when can I be convinced that "I'm more than conqueror through Him (Jesus) who loved me" and live out the truth?

isit the environment or isit me?

ok, now i blame the pre-exam syndrome.. whatever...

p/s: can I go back to 19th August, enjoy, and then start my new term with fighting spirit? the answer is no, so life goes on.. there goes..

凌晨十二点

不经意读到了我从来不知的事，泪湿了眼，是我想象的那样吗？你现在还好吗？天父，求你保佑她

Can I keep you?

Ever since a child, I’ve heard people saying that as u get older it gets harder to find true friend.. After I lived for more than 2 decades, I think it is true. So I truly appreciate friends that I can keep til today. Well, friends not as in just kenalan, but friends whom I wish to spend time with and share the good times and hard times with and friends whom I can kacau anytime I want without the feeling of awkwardness (well, of course if I know my friend is busy I wont go kacau)

 Afta been through kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, college years, and now university, a lot of ppl came and left in my life. I guess the friends that really matter to me now can be counted with my 2 hands.

I suppose other than the rare few who still have important place in my heart, my most valuable friendships were found during my 2 years in college. Period (since I dedicate this post to you <3)

Who knows, by a very unexpected chance, I get to know u, and literally fell for u!(note: I’m not talking about BGF here) Who would hv thought that at such old age, I would be able to meet someone like u again! Thanks to another important friend whom I’ve oredi kept in my friendship bank xDD for being the medium of us both, or three (who called me ah yi)..

You: a very contrasting and confusing character, but nvm, if possible I can spend the rest of my life discovering u

Regret: was so blind when I first met u, to overlook u, and even after when we became friends on FB, to not fall for u (just because I think u r very different from me)

Grateful: Thank God for giving me a second chance to meet u and know u this time

Thanks ehem (u know who u r) for not overlooking u and thus be close to u and somehow brought us tgt

Thank you for:

- giving me a second chance (I know ur first impression towards me wasn’t that good either xD)

- make me laugh all the time ever since the first day I know u (well, now I know the one who called me ah yi was part of the contribution or tactics to make me fall for u)

- pampering me with care, love, sweet words (though I don’t believe all of them), time for bonding (even though u hv so many close friends to care for as well), songs and ur stories

- still nice to me even though there’s nothing I can do to repay ur kindness

- sth in you brought back some sweet childhood memories, hobbies and dreams in me (not gonna go in details here)

- being transparent 

- be my sunshine after rain (due to a certain incident)

- etc etc etc

I’m not quite a straightforward/transparent person. So allow me to keep the rest in my heart/personal diary, that's if I manage to put them in words.

All in all, thank you for this bond that we are sharing. May God bless you and I shall always keep u in my prayers from this moment on.

Last but not least, can I keep you?

p/s: and i miss u already